I’m still not a fan of Christmas as a holiday, but I am all for what it should be representing.
I was raised Catholic, so it initially makes me think of the birth of Jesus. When I grew older, it soon became a time of getting gifts. Time passed by and I got to that awkward age — too old to give gifts to, too young to have the money for giving gifts — so it became that time when I’ll either be happy to get cash or feel envious for not getting a new shirt or some article of clothing. Finally, when I got a job, I felt like it’s a time to prepare bountiful feasts for my family while giving gifts to selected people. Looking at how my perception of Christmas has changed over the year makes me feel a bit sad; it looks like a tale of how I lost my innocence.
After enduring this year full of problems , mainly my mom getting sick all the time, I now see Christmas as a time to really treasure my family. My mom, of course, for taking care of our family until now; my dad for not leaving my mother’s side; my aunt, who’s like our second mom, for assuming the care of our house; my sister for treating me to small joys throughout the year like popcorn, ice cream, and milk tea drinks; it also includes a copy of Jewel’s poetry book, which is in the picture above. I couldn’t have gone through this year without my family, and that’s what I’m celebrating Christmas for.
I’m in transit — at least in my mind. I’m trying to make the best choices that I can, but like what I learned in college, I can’t please everyone.
One of my so-called friends in the office got mad at me, and it led me to think that maybe, I should reassess my list of friends. It’s not because they are mean, though; it’s more on the idea that I might not really care enough about them to keep calling them friends. That thought led me to realize that being a good person isn’t the same as being a good friend. Even if they can be done at the same time, being generally nice doesn’t mean that I would stand by them all the way. On the other hand, being a good friend would sometimes mean that I should not be nice and condone their behavior. Sometimes, I should give them a piece of my mind for them to stop doing bad things.
Like what I said when I stated this post, I’m in transit. I need to arrive at a decision, maybe not right now, but still, a choice needs to be made. Hence, the picture of the office’s hallway.
I’ve been meaning to post something last week, but I got sidetracked. I rambled about excellence, and that might have been foolish of me because I fell into a trap. According to Paulo Coelho, a warrior of the light can talk to his demons and win just by letting it do the talking; afterwards, he should just walk away. I didn’t do that. I brandished the virtue of excellence at my demons, and accosted them with dagger-like words propelled by righteous indignation. Perhaps, they learned Paulo’s trick; they just sat there and listened. Then, they put the naked truth — that people won’t seek excellence the way I would because they’re not me — in front of me. It made me fume. I swore. I slandered others. And I swore some more. Thus, I’ve lost the good fight. It’s not a total loss, though. Through that day, I realized that instead of criticizing others, I just need to accept the harsh truths. Also, I need to turn my theoretical virtues into real action, not just proclaiming them. It could have saved me a lot of anguish. Now, I’ll resolve to do better. On a lighter note, I went out for drinks with a lady friend. We talked. We shared some intimate details, and though I know it was platonic, I felt glad that I can still get a lady to go out with me.