Thinking about Suicide

image

I think that despair should be dealt with optimism; isolation with companionship; a cry for help with a resounding “I’m listening.”

Yesterday morning, while watching Masterchef Philippines, I heard a tragic news bulletin. A woman jumped to her death from a tall building. According to the field correspondent, the building administrators tried to stop her, but they were unable to. When she hit the pavement below, her body literally fell apart, her head, disintegrated, rendering her unidentifiable. All I could do while listening to the news was to cover my mouth and shake my head in disbelief.

My mom was the first to react. She said, “So many people are dying, trying desperately to buy more time through drugs and doctors. This woman just threw hers away just like that.”

I knew that there was bitterness in her remark. She knows that her time with me and my family was drastically shortened because of diabetes and its accompanying complications. I can just imagine how she feels about it; to her, it’s really unfair.

On the other hand, I was trained to consider other people’s perspective. Coming from a psychology background, I can bet that the woman in the news thought that it’s her only way out of whatever hounded her to jump. A lost love? Family dishonor? Seemingly endless debt? Despair over a diagnosis that might have been equal to a death sentence? I can just imagine the possibilities. While I understand how a person can arrive there — at the edge of a ledge — I can’t condone suicide.

While it’s such a big responsibility, I wish that I could have been there to try to talk her out of it. I wish that I or someone, anyone, stopped her with a smile, a friendly hello, and a sincere question: why? I know that it’s simplistic — almost not a try at all — but I think that despair should be dealt with optimism; isolation with companionship; a cry for help with a resounding “I’m listening.” I don’t know if it’ll work, but it sure beats panic and worry, negative emotions that might have been the very things that she wanted to jump away from.

But it’s too late. She already jumped.

The next best thing that we could do to keep things like that from happening is to help each other be happy.

Advertisements

Light and Sound

image

At last, my mom is home, but it’s not the end of it all. There’s debt to be paid, and more work to do to earn money for everything — including the debt.  Good thing that light always shines brightest in the darkness. The stars can attest to that.

Why am I so hopeful?

I can’t help but feel that way for many reasons. First and foremost, my mom seems to be at her best condition ever since her first hospitalization a couple of years back. On top of that, I have a job that allows me to earn as much as I want; I’m just limited by the amount of effort that I put in it. On the more spiritual side, God seems to be sending me tools that would equip me with everything I need. I just need to stop, look, and listen for His messages.

One of those God-sent solutions is the existence of binaural beats. Basically, they’re sounds that can influence the brain to work in a certain way, but if you’d like to read more about it, Wikipedia explains binaural beats clearly. I discovered the existence of these sounds through a blog post right here in WordPress. At this point, I’d like to thank yuriwovcha for posting 5 Facts About Sound That Will Blow Out Your Ears right before liking one of my posts. That’s where I got word of binaural beats. He wrote that there are lots of them on YouTube, so I put on my Spider Man outfit and crawled over to that part of the web to find something that’s truly wonderful.

I know that I’m putting my hopes up on something that’s not proven yet, and to some, just a load of mumbo jumbo, but isn’t that what most people call faith?

I say it’s wonderful because the tones evoke a feeling of serenity in me. They’re really simple yet calming. If you actually watch the videos, the uploaders also took time to put matching visuals, adding more entertainment value to the sounds. After just one video, I was immediately sold on the idea until I read online that there are — albeit unsupported by substantial research — other benefits to listening to this kind of music, such as increased focus and better sleep. Since I needed those two things, I thought that I should have these portable in my phone, so I looked for ways to carry at least one song around with me.

My quest to bring binaural beats with me led me to say thank you to my gift of gab and technology. I started out on YouTube, and then, onto Google to look for free, downloadable songs. I did find several websites offering those, but for some reason, the downloads fail; maybe, it was due to the large file sizes. For some reason, I went onto the Google Play store, and much to my surprise, I found several apps that had binaural beats! I installed one app, which was just basically the two sounds droning in my ears.

I listened to it on the way to the office. They seemed to work fine because I felt relaxed all the while, so naturally, I had to share this discovery to my friends. When the evening came, one of my friends said, “This app also has the tones that you were listening to. Remember the name and the icon. Maybe, you can download it on your android, too.” Ironically, after repeating the name several times, I couldn’t for the life of me remember what it was, so again, I went to the Play Store, and just made searches, which helped me stumble across Brainwave Tuner.

Brainwave Tuner didn’t have all the capabilities of the app my friend showed me, but it did have more capabilities than the first app I downloaded. It had the different brainwave frequencies but not just droning. It pulsed, faded in and out, allowing for variety. It also mixed in some  pleasing additional sounds in like waves and whispering wind. On top of that, there are background images that also changed colors, making it a relatively better app that suited the cheapskate in me.

I know that I’m putting my hopes up on something that’s not proven yet, and to some, just a load of mumbo jumbo, but isn’t that what most people call faith? I’m willing to try it out since those sounds keep me focused on the light rather than the darkness. It’s much better than falling into despair, right?