It’s Just a Matter of Knowing

Really, it’s just knowing why it needs to happen for the sacrifice and the hardship to be well worth it.

My mom’s diabetes is making life really hard for her and the rest of my family. Obviously, she’s the one who’s suffering the most because of it and it’s complications. My dad also suffers because of those complications since each time my mom goes into the hospital, all five times this year alone, he stays by her side in the hospital. My sister and I are also suffering in the sense that we have to see her growing weaker as time goes by, but as the first born son, most of the financial burden falls on me. Nobody in my family is really exempt from this ordeal.

Earlier, she was scheduled to be discharged from the hospital, but there’s a slight hitch; actually, it’s not slight because it’s 18 grand to get her out. I don’t have that kind of money right now since I’ve already shelled out nearly 80 grand for the four previous hospitalizations. I can only do 10, and that’s already compromising my budget for the coming month — I wouldn’t have any money for anything at all. Because I was already in a pinch, I asked my sister for help.

When I told her about it, I knew that I would be in for aggravation. She’s also shouldered other expenses for my mom, so she was also in a bind. I just told her that she should ask for our aunts’ help. All of this happened via phone, and when she called me back, she was whining that she couldn’t get a hold of both aunts like it was my effin’ fault.

At that point, I was already starting to feel enraged, thinking that it’s unfair for her to do that to me. I was ready to explode like a volcano, but I caught myself going to that high voice, and dialed it down. Then, I said in a restrained voice, “Please don’t treat me like that. We’re in the same situation, but you don’t hear me blaming you about it. I also have my own wants, but you don’t hear me complaining.”

I don’t know if it got through to her, but hopefully, it did. I sincerely hope that she sees how much I’m suffering without complaining nor taking my frustrations out on other people because I know why it’s happening: it’s because I love my mom and my family so much that I’m willing to go hungry, lose sleep, and work my ass off just to see them well and healthy. Really, it’s just knowing why it needs to happen for the sacrifice and the hardship to be well worth it.

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