I’m in transit — at least in my mind. I’m trying to make the best choices that I can, but like what I learned in college, I can’t please everyone.
One of my so-called friends in the office got mad at me, and it led me to think that maybe, I should reassess my list of friends. It’s not because they are mean, though; it’s more on the idea that I might not really care enough about them to keep calling them friends. That thought led me to realize that being a good person isn’t the same as being a good friend. Even if they can be done at the same time, being generally nice doesn’t mean that I would stand by them all the way. On the other hand, being a good friend would sometimes mean that I should not be nice and condone their behavior. Sometimes, I should give them a piece of my mind for them to stop doing bad things.
Like what I said when I stated this post, I’m in transit. I need to arrive at a decision, maybe not right now, but still, a choice needs to be made. Hence, the picture of the office’s hallway.
I’ve been meaning to post something last week, but I got sidetracked. I rambled about excellence, and that might have been foolish of me because I fell into a trap. According to Paulo Coelho, a warrior of the light can talk to his demons and win just by letting it do the talking; afterwards, he should just walk away. I didn’t do that. I brandished the virtue of excellence at my demons, and accosted them with dagger-like words propelled by righteous indignation. Perhaps, they learned Paulo’s trick; they just sat there and listened. Then, they put the naked truth — that people won’t seek excellence the way I would because they’re not me — in front of me. It made me fume. I swore. I slandered others. And I swore some more. Thus, I’ve lost the good fight. It’s not a total loss, though. Through that day, I realized that instead of criticizing others, I just need to accept the harsh truths. Also, I need to turn my theoretical virtues into real action, not just proclaiming them. It could have saved me a lot of anguish. Now, I’ll resolve to do better. On a lighter note, I went out for drinks with a lady friend. We talked. We shared some intimate details, and though I know it was platonic, I felt glad that I can still get a lady to go out with me.
So many people worried about Humpty Dumpty — even the horses who wouldn’t usually care about eggs — but maybe, they misunderstood him. He might have known what most chefs know: eggs can make more magic when they’re cracked and broken in a bowl, even quail eggs.
It looks like I’m obsessing over street lamps. For some reason, they attract me. Maybe, it’s the light because life is bleak and dark for me at the moment; I need something to turn to, so I won’t stray into the darkness. Maybe, it’s the complicated tangle of power cords; in the Philippines, they’re like thick, black spider silk strewn all across the land. Maybe, it’s the hum that they make. Yes — they hum, which seems comforting to me. I can’t pinpoint it, but the street lamps really draw me to stare at them.